After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
