I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
