i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
