I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize