6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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