these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
