lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
