I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I cockslap morals
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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