Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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