either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
my poor anus
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
