my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's blow job season.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
