i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
