I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
