I just cut my nipple shaving
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
