Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
