ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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