I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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