he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
