please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
