I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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