I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
