Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
