did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I know her cup size but not her name....
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
