i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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