I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
