the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
