Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Four minutes until I can fart!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
