i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
