If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
