Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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