I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
