I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
