My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
