it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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