lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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