there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
