why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
