can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
