So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
