i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
