It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
