She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
