It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
