Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i would punch a child for taco bell
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
