Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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