im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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