He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize