is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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