You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
