I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
