It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
