I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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