and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
