idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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