I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize