Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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