Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize