I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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