Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
