2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
