I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He better not be in your backpack
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
