jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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