I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
