remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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