well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
