I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
