I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
be right there i have to get my cape
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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