Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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