i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
