guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
