I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
