Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
