I want to have your abortion
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
