After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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