OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
