Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
