If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
