You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
