Already got asked if we're dating
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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