oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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