Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
