YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
