Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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