I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
