Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
