Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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