Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
