why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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