I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
