i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
