If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
