I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
