WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
