If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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