I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
