whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
