the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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