i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
