Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
