Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
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