making cat noises will not fix the situation.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
